Introduction
For most of my life, I didn’t realize I was living in survival mode.
I thought the way I felt, the way I reacted, and the way I lived was normal. But as I got older, I started to notice something wasn’t right. I wasn’t happy with who I was becoming, and deep down, I knew I didn’t want my life to continue this way.
This is my story—where I come from, what I’ve been through, and how I’m learning to break generational cycles for myself and my family.
My Childhood: Where It All Began
Growing up, I lived in a household that lacked structure, guidance, and stability.
I lived with my grandmother, my mother, and my two sisters. We shared a room together, and at times, I found myself moving back and forth—sleeping in the living room and trying to find a sense of space that didn’t really exist.
I’m not speaking negatively about my family, because I love them. But the environment I grew up in was hard. It was filled with negative energy, confusion, and moments that no child should have to experience.
There was no real guidance or structure. At times, there was depression, chaos, and even violence. I didn’t fully understand it as a child, but I felt it.
I always wanted to leave.
Even as a child, I felt like I didn’t belong in that environment. I tried to find ways out early, even looking for work when I was young. But instead of thriving, I fell into depression.
School was hard for me. I struggled to understand things, and instead of feeling supported, I often felt overwhelmed. My grandmother tried to help, but sometimes it turned into frustration, and I ended up feeling like I wasn’t good enough.
Growing Up Too Fast
As I got older, things didn’t get easier.
I didn’t have a strong support system, and I was bullied. I was trying to find myself while also dealing with emotions I didn’t understand.
At 16, I got pregnant.
At the time, I didn’t fully understand the weight of that moment. I thought it was something small, something I could handle—but in reality, I was still a child trying to figure out life.
That experience changed me.
I told myself that I wanted more for my future. I wanted to get married, build a life the “right way,” and do things differently.
Living in Survival Mode
For years, I stayed in survival mode.
I worked, I pushed through life, and I did what I had to do—but inside, I was struggling.
I wasn’t happy with who I had become.
I was constantly overwhelmed, comparing myself to others, and feeling stuck. Some days, I didn’t even want to get out of bed. Even while taking care of my home and family, I felt exhausted mentally and emotionally.
I dealt with and still deal with depression, anxiety, high blood pressure, and constant stress.
There were moments where I felt like I couldn’t go on.
I’ve battled thoughts I never thought I would have, and I’ve had to face the reality that a lot of what I was feeling didn’t just come from my present—it came from my past.
My childhood trauma followed me into adulthood.
Love, Support, and Facing My Truth
At 29 years old, my life began to shift.
My husband has been a blessing in my life. He has supported me through some of my darkest moments, even when I wasn’t at my best.
There were times I projected my pain onto him, times I said things I didn’t mean, and times I struggled mentally in ways that affected our relationship. And that’s something I’ve had to take accountability for.
He encouraged me to seek help.
I’ve been through moments where my mental health became overwhelming, and I had to face things I had been carrying for years. Eventually, I was diagnosed with PTSD connected to my childhood trauma.
That was a turning point for me.
Because for the first time, I understood that I wasn’t just “overreacting” or “too much”—I was carrying unhealed pain.
Motherhood and the Wake-Up Call
Becoming a mother changed everything.
Not instantly—but over time, I started to see patterns in myself that scared me.
The anger. The frustration. The overwhelm.
There were moments where I didn’t like how I reacted, especially toward my children. And that hurt me deeply, because I never wanted them to feel what I felt growing up.
That’s when it hit me:
I was repeating cycles I didn’t even realize were still in me.
Motherhood forced me to face myself in a way nothing else ever had.
Breaking the Cycle
Now, I’m in a different place.
Not perfect—but aware.
I’m learning to pause instead of react.
I’m learning to recognize where my emotions come from.
I’m learning to take accountability for my actions.
I’m going to therapy, and seeking a psychiatrist.
I’m working on my mental health.
I’m trying to become more patient, more present, and more intentional.
Some days are still hard.
There are days I feel overwhelmed, days I feel frustrated, and days I fall short. But the difference now is—I’m trying.
And that matters.
Because breaking generational curses doesn’t happen overnight. It happens in small choices, every single day.
Who I’m Becoming
I’m becoming someone who is aware of her past—but not controlled by it.
I’m becoming a better mother.
A better partner.
A better version of myself.
I’m learning that healing isn’t linear, and growth isn’t perfect.
But I’m choosing it anyway.
Final Thoughts
If you’re on a journey like this too—trying to heal, grow, and break cycles—you’re not alone.
It’s hard. It’s uncomfortable. It takes time.
But it’s worth it.
Because the work you do today doesn’t just change your life…
It changes your children’s lives too.
